A broken heart can happen at any one moment, and last throughout an entire lifespan. The loss of a valuable relationship, by whatever circumstance, can affect us so profoundly, that we physically and emotionally go into shock. One of the hardest challenges we can ever face in this lifetime is loss. Trying to carry on after a devastating tragedy is the ultimate challenge which nobody can ever master, because everyday thereafter is a battle. Some days will be easier than others, time will heal what it can and we learn to develop coping mechanisms both consciously and subconsciously to ensure our own survival.
A broken heart doesn’t necessarily have to be that dramatic, or instantaneous. Sometimes it can manifest itself after an event we thought we could minimise, and move on from swiftly, which ends up magnifying later in life. It goes without saying that everybody deals with loss and trauma differently, and there’s no right or wrong way of going about it. The one and only question we need to keep asking ourselves when reflecting on our actions and behaviours is this:
“Is this going to help my healing, or hinder it?”
Communicating truthfully with ourselves is the only way to find the answer to that. There’s no point living in denial, or lying to yourself. Those lies only stay on the surface, as our subconscious always knows the truth. Those polar opposite messages will create conflict within us and worsen existing issues, or result in new problems which are harder to fix. Time is on your side, if you choose to use it wisely. Every decision we make in life is going to have an effect on our healing process, the trick is simply to make sure the good outweighs the bad. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be working.
So what are you doing to heal your broken heart?
Here are some self-care steps to help you stay moving in the right direction:
Let grief happen
A broken heart will look ugly, it will feel terrible, but it’s one of those processes that can’t be fought. If we put it off, it will only come back worse later in life. Deal with your emotions as you’re having them. The body wants to release what the mind has been building up. Let the body do what it wants, because it’s only goal is to heal.
Put yourself first
It might seem selfish, even out of character, but this really isn’t about anybody else. You don’t need to worry about accommodating others if it’s straining you. If you push yourself too hard, you’ll eventually act out, potentially harming the relationship more than if you were to take a break from it for a while. Whether that means cancelling pre-arranged plans, or leaving your household duties for a few days to gather your thoughts in solitude. It’s okay to need to leave it all and give yourself a chance to feel release. Life is about relationships, but they begin and end with you. Do what you need to do to short-term to ensure you can continue enjoying fulfilling relationships in the long term.
Don’t bottle anger
It is said depression is just anger turned inwards. When you push feelings away, they dive deep into the dark corners of our minds where they stagnate and fester out of our control. Project your feelings. Get furious at the world if that’s where your emotions are directed. There’s nothing wrong with feeling anger at the ultimate unfairness and randomness which is our existence. It’s actually pretty sane to do so from time to time. Smash plates onto concrete, throw rocks off of cliffs, destroy a punching bag, dance furiously, scream into a wide open space, or your pillow. Allow yourself to express what you’re feeling, even if it feels weird, or weak. It’s not, it’s good sense.
Research your situation
Whatever it is that happened to you, it is logical to assume that you are not alone. There may be articles that could help you understand your emotions and what to expect moving forward. The internet has many downsides, but this is one of it’s upsides. You can find contacts that may be of use to you, even if it’s just a helpline or support group you can call or message. Others will have experienced a broken heart and what you’ve been through, and though that’s not always a comforting thought, it can be a helpful tool. Those that have experienced the same pain as you, may just be the perfect people to talk to, because they’ll understand. If you don’t want to talk, just read. People write about their experiences. Writing works both as a therapeutic activity and a lifeline to others.
Life goes on
This is a stupidly simple yet extremely important phrase to remember, and repeat to yourself on a daily basis. It’s easy to get stuck in the first wave of grief or trauma, where everything is sharp and exposed like an open wound. But just like a deep cut, a broken heart will heal given time and proper care. It will become less painful and less obvious, even if you’re left with a scar. That scar left behind serves as a reminder of your past. You went through it, you got hurt, you healed, and ultimately, you survived. When things seem too painful to bare, like an open wound, keep reminding yourself that life goes on, and it will get better, and this moment right here, these emotions you’re feeling so intensely, they won’t last forever.
The difference between practicing mindfulness and not, is the difference between having self control, or losing it. The thoughts that we have dictate 100% of our actions. If we can monitor and direct our thought patterns, then we can direct ourselves. Where the mind goes, the body follows, and that’s how we begin taking our most important steps towards speeding up the healing process.
Become a qualified Holistic Therapist
Here at The School of Natural Health Sciences, we offer a diploma correspondence course in Mindfulness, Holistic Pain Management and Neuro-Linguistics Programming. These are three fundamental qualifications for understanding and identifying thought patterns, and knowing what to do to change them.
We’re honoured to have trained over 40,000 therapists over the last 20 years, with our wide range of distance learning courses that allow the student to create their own world of study. We are confident that our flexible approach enables our students to produce their best work, free from the constraints of stressful deadlines.
With over 60 different holistic health care courses on offer, we have the information and tools necessary to launch you into a new life! Whether you’re looking to change careers, spruce up your existing qualifications or acquire extended education, we can provide you with internationally-recognised diplomas required to make your transition as smooth as possible.