Part of leading a holistic lifestyle includes maintaining a healthy sex life. That doesn’t mean you need sex in order to be happy, but if you are worried about your seemingly inexplicable decrease in libido, these might just be the reasons why.
Sex, though a seemingly simple action is also incredible complex. Every single aspect of our lives contributes or subtracts to how we feel in the bedroom. Though there are many physical reasons that can affect libido, there are even more psychological ones. For women in particular, loss of sexual desire is extremely common. Medically, this is known has hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), with a recent study showing that 1 in 3 women from the ages of 18-59 suffer from low libido. “Women’s sexuality tends to be multifaceted and fairly complicated,” says sex psychologist Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD. “Although we would love to simplify it so we could have the one-two or even a one-punch treatment, it doesn’t tend to work that way.”
Though there are plenty of physical obstacles that may be messing with your libido, such as weight, medical conditions, physical pain or discomfort, hormonal fluctuations and exhaustion, the psychological aspects that come into play are often harder to diagnose and therefore more complicated to treat.
Here are 4 common psychological reasons that may be causing you to lose your mojo.
It’s staggering to think that depression is the number one cause of low sex drive in people of the ages between 15-44. Women in particular have a higher likelihood of experiencing low sex drive due to the persistent “bluesy” feelings that can destroy confidence and promote feelings of unworthiness. These feelings can drastically change your overall outlook on life, yourself as a whole, and in turn, your sex life. Those suffering with chronic depression are known to experience a loss of libido, take longer to orgasm, and simply find sex less enjoyable.
A spokesman for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists states: “The brain is important for sexuality because of the chemistry, but it’s also important for ideas. It helps how you experience pleasure and how you define it.”
“The whole process of sexual arousal starts with the ability to anticipate pleasure, which is lost with depression,” says Frederick K. Goodwin, MD, who serves on the scientific council for the National Alliance for Research on Schizophrenia and Depression. “People who are depressed are locked in the moment of their suffering.” Whatever is happening with your sex life, it’s important to treat depression first. Address any sexual side effects later.
2- Body Image Issues
When we’re not self confident and don’t love the skin we’re in, it becomes a challenge to accept that kind of admiration or love from someone else. If we’re unhappy with the way we look, and as a result fail to feel desirable, it tricks the mind into being convinced that others couldn’t possibly desire us either. Even when we find we are in fact desired, it can be tricky to get wrapped up in the heat of the moment when we’re focused on feeling self conscious. Body image issues will create tension in the body, further blocking the ability to relax and become aroused. The bottom line is in order to want to have sex in the first place, you have to feel sexy yourself. Sometimes we can’t change our body, but we can change our body image.
Stress kills more than just libido. It’s the cause of over 60% of all human illnesses, disease and ailments. Stress kills the moment in pretty much any situation, and when you have too much on your plate, you’re not going to be able to wind down easily, which is key for getting in the mood. This is where setting aside time, allocating a date night, or even just a self-pampering evening can have huge benefits. Taking steps towards self care with the goal of relaxation in mind is vital for wellness in stressful times. Often when we become overwhelmed we find it hard to even think straight, let alone think about pampering ourselves, but that’s exactly what we need to do. Once we’ve adequately de-stressed, nature takes care of the rest.
It’s the same thing week after week. The days are pretty much merging into a conglomeration of work, home and the mundane stuff in between. You’re not bothered to go out or make plans with friends much anymore. Perhaps you’re just too tired, but is it tired of the same routine that’s got you feeling weary? When we don’t actively stimulate the senses, or sense of adventure, we can become indifferent to the things that used to excite us, and that will deflate libido like a helium balloon in a cactus patch.
This mask of apathy isn’t to be confused with depression, whose indifference is almost always accompanied with emotional voids outlined by sadness and self doubt. This almost careless state is like being in a fog, like an artist without a muse. Sometimes something wonderful can pick us up again, but most of the time we need to pick ourselves up and re-discover enjoyment for ourselves. We can’t always drastically change our lives, but we can change our perspective of it. Whether it’s noticing and appreciating the little things again, or feeling good about the daily things we so easily overlook, it’s down to us to re-light any dampened flame, add variety to the mix and marvel in the sweet suspense of future adventures.
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