Sometimes we just feel sucky and icky and not our best. Life sucks sometimes, we feel we suck sometimes. When we don’t feel good, we don’t feel we look good. It all goes downhill once our self-esteem starts fading.
In these low moments we’ve got to stop paddling around in the murky water and pick ourselves up before too much damage occurs. Imagine how it feels to be bullied, and constantly told by someone that you’re not good enough or good looking enough or worthy enough. When your self-esteem goes down, that’s exactly what you’re telling yourself. You’re essentially your own bully.
If we wouldn’t bully someone else, and surely put a stop to it if we saw it happening to another, why do we think it’s okay to do it to ourselves? Why do we allow it to go on for as long as it does? When we start to think negatively of ourselves, we create an open wound which can fester if not treated. This wound is easily infected with any of the external negativity that’s present in our environment at any given moment. The thing about the world is that we cannot escape negativity, we can just learn to protect ourselves from it.
For positive self-esteem, change your thinking
When you do catch yourself giving yourself low blows, think of it as a sneaky bully who got into your safe space undetected. Remedy the damage with a dose of quick and powerful self-love. You have to fight nastiness with kindness, especially when it comes to you. You cannot run from who you are, but you can change the way you think. Alter your perspectives and choose to move on from the terrible times in your life, waking up every day as a brand new start.
Think about all the elements of yourself which you like. Which parts do you adore? When you dress yourself in the morning, make sure a winning attitude is part of your attire. Nothing else matters more than how you feel about yourself. Nothing. It’s the most important part of leading a healthy life and finding security, peace and happiness within yourself no matter what’s happening around you.
If you do not love yourself, how can you expect to truly love others? If you do not treat yourself well, how do you expect to fully be there when others are in need? If you do not balance yourself, then the rest of your life becomes unstable. It all starts with you. Your world begins and ends with you.
What can you do to better the things you don’t like about yourself? Anything? If so, take baby steps towards the desired result. If you can’t do anything to change it, then put all of your energy into focusing on how you can live the most fulfilling life possible, whilst coping with whatever your issues are. Your most important decision every single day is deciding what’s really important in your life. Personally, I think it’s our own wellbeing, and the wellbeing of those around us. Meditate on what you think deserves your attention. Wake up every morning and decide what path you’re going to take. Build your self-esteem up until feeling good just comes with the territory of being you.
Here’s 5 tips to help get you there:
Self-esteem Tip 1
Think calm. Be assertive.
One of my favourite pieces of advice from The Dog Whisperer: Cesar Millan. He repeatedly tells his clients, and the audience “you have to remain calm, and assertive” if you want control of a dog. If you want control of your emotions and your life, then you’re going to have to be calm and assertive. The magical thing is that you can be both. Assertiveness does not mean aggressiveness, and the best leaders don’t lose their cool. So keep cool. Calm. And carry on.
Self-esteem Tip 2
Constantly comparing yourself to other people, their success, looks, skills, fame, fortune. Whatever it is that you find yourself lining up comparisons to regularly, it’s no good. They have a completely different life to yours. They were raised differently, had different opportunities and as a result see things in a different light than you do. Our perceptions are like our fingerprints. They are unique to us and no two people can ever be exactly the same or compared as such. We must focus on bettering ourselves without living up to other people’s standards, or trying to become somebody we’re not. You must also remember that you never really know what other people have been through. What they choose to show you is not all that is there. If we all did less comparing, and more caring, this world would be a humbler, happier place.
“If we all threw our problems into one big pile, and saw everyone else’s, we’d quickly grab ours back.”
– Regina Brett
Self-esteem Tip 3
Writing it down
By organising our thoughts and giving our feelings a private place where they can be safely expressed, we not only make it easier to reach clarity, we also literally direct the energy elsewhere (in this case, onto paper.) This transfer of energy will help alleviate some of the weight off of our consciousness. Writing has been proven to have many beneficial effects, a lot of which we have compacted into one of our earlier blogs here at SNHS – Write it down for better health.
Self-esteem Tip 4
Perfection doesn’t exist
Being a perfectionist in general, or just about certain things in life will cause you to constantly feel let down, and lead you to believe that things around you are rarely good enough. Trying to always achieve your version of perfection will result in living a lot of your life dissatisfied. Andrea Garcia, an author from ahealthblog.com writes:
Perfectionists tend to think things like “do it well, or don’t do it at all”. This kind of thinking will keep you from doing anything for fear of making a mistake. Trying to do everything perfectly will lower your self-esteem and keep you from achieving your goals.
What can you do: Rather than the negative thinking of “all or nothing”, try saying something like “I’ll give it a try and do the best that I can. I can learn from my mistakes”. Give yourself a time limit to finish things, because trying to make things perfect might lead you to procrastinate. For example, if you have to hand in a project, limit yourself to reviewing it 5 times, maximum.
Self-esteem Tip 5
Step outside of your comfort zone
This doesn’t mean putting yourself in an uncomfortable position. It means pushing yourself to do new things. Venture into new places, try something fun or different that you usually wouldn’t. Take the reigns on your independence. Travelling to new places and discovering fresh perspectives promotes a sense of self-renewal. You wouldn’t have had that thought, smelt that smell, or met that person if not for this new excursion you went on. Experiencing new surroundings, especially beautiful ones, can be the best remedy for a lot of the internal turmoil we go through.
It is true that wherever you go, there you are, but creating adventures gives you the opportunity to rethink the old version of you, and discover who you really want to be. This can greatly impact our self-esteem positively. Teaching us confidence and nursing our primal sense for learning. Call it a pilgrimage if you want.
Sources: A Health Blog
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