Your libido can be a touchy subject, which when lost, can be quite concerning. Sometimes, the decrease in sexual desire is simply your bodies way of giving you a break, such as when you’re exhausted, ill, or over-stressed. Look at it as the body saying “These are not great conditions to be reproducing in, so I’m gonna hold off for a while.” In these circumstances, it’s best not to even think of your libido. The more you worry about it, the longer it will take to return. Once you start transitioning back into a healthy, happy state where you’re able to properly relax, that bad boy will come bouncing back and you’ll be ready to roll.
Loss of libido is also commonly experienced when we go through hormonal changes, especially once we reach a certain age. Hormones basically dictate what every single cell in your body does. Not only do hormones tell your tissues what to do, they also affect how you feel. Even subtle changes in hormone levels can make a huge difference. In men for example, a natural decrease in testosterone and oestrogen, which is expected around the age of 60, will almost always reduce or even remove sexual desire. Both testosterone and oestrogen play a crucial role in male’s sex drive, so anytime these levels decrease, so will the libido.Joel Finkelstein, a study author and endocrinologist at Massachusetts
General Hospital stated:
“What will surprise many people is that loss of sexual desire in men with low testosterone is due to lack of oestrogen. People think oestrogen in men makes them very effeminate; they think of it as a female hormone, they think it is testosterone that gives men their sexual desire.”While there have been clues that oestrogen as well as testosterone influence male sex drive, there have been few definitive studies until now, Finkelstein said. He also made the point that both sexes require both hormones in order to have an adequate libido.
You’re not wrong not to want it
Most people won’t go to the doctor’s office with a sexual problem, and it’s easy to understand why. In a lot of cultures, speaking of sex really isn’t an option, especially for women. In more lenient societies, people are encouraged to bring forward their issues, but are afraid or embarrassed to tell anyone about them. Speaking purely of the desire to have sex, there is no standard.
Throughout the different stages of our life, we can expect some shifts, peaks and plummets of our libido. You see, it’s a sensitive thing. There are many reasons that can cause interference with it’s functionality, and this doesn’t always mean there’s a physical issue occurring. Some people simply aren’t as sexual as others. Some people require specific circumstances or triggers to become aroused, and even then, it could all be their own insecurities holding them back from letting go.
When you take into account a persons sexual history and upbringing, this also plays a huge part in their sexual desires. The experiences we have in life shape our minds and determine how we feel about intimacy. I’ve noticed a lot of magazines, articles, and even friends love to tell you that if you don’t have a hearty libido, then something is obviously very wrong you, but that’s simply not the case. And what does a “hearty libido” even look like? Once a week might be a high number to one person and a dire situation to another.
Your sexual appetite, whether you want it once every two weeks, two months or every single day of your life, does not make you defective, a nymphomaniac or “unhealthy.” It’s just you, and you’re fine as you are. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, including yourself, do whatever makes you happy and feels right for your body. Of course, there are extremes, like with anything in life. If sexual thoughts are invading every part of your day and distracting you to a point where productivity is negatively impacted, then you might want to get a handle on that.
An abnormally high desire for sex may also be considered a psychological condition in and of itself. Experts have come up with a set of diagnostic criteria for “hypersexual disorder,” although it’s not yet an official psychological diagnosis.
Sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner, PhD, says that “normal is such an elastic word… it depends on what your baseline libido is.” He notes that while it might be normal for one person to desire sex once a day, it’s also completely normal for an asexual individual to have zero libido.
When to be concerned
If you suddenly experience a huge drop, rise or cease of sexual desire from your norm, then something is going on. This doesn’t mean it’s anything sinister, but it does mean there’s been a significant change in your chemistry for whatever reason. The affect on libido is simply a knock-on result and reaction to whatever is occurring within your body.
It is certainly recommended to go for a general check up with your doctor to explain the situation so they can rule out anything important such as pregnancy or illness. Depending on your particular case, they may or may not refer you to a psychologist which could help you process things strategically. In cases of trauma, psychological help is a major part of regaining some sort of normalcy. With a trained therapist you are encouraged to express your true self with someone who’s job it is to guide you through the healing process.
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